A couple of days ago, a fierce discussion took place on LinkedIn around the statement: “women are difficult” – the opinion some women hear about their attitude when negotiating contracts or expressing their views in discussions.
I would never call women “difficult”… but I understand where this opinion comes from. No, it’s not another example of gender stereotypes. There’s something much, much deeper behind it.
We all feel the energy and communicate through energy. This way of communicating among human beings was used long before the ability to speak has been developed. It’s not what we say (content) or even how we say it (body language) but the energy we send that matter and decide on people’s attitudes towards us.
Although we’re not aware of it (and oftentimes we don’t want to admit it as we like to see ourselves as 100% rational creatures) – we all judge others based on how we “feel” them. And I’m not talking here about the body language or the tone of voice – these qualities we may have mastered yet still experience some kind of hostility or resentment while negotiating or discussing hot topics. Gender stereotypes are obviously the first to be blamed then.
From my perspective and experience, women often are unaware of the energy field they create around them (I’m not saying men are – I don’t coach men so I share my experience with working with females only). Women, unfortunately, are also not aware that the energy they unconsciously create and sent triggers specific emotions. What happens next, is the recipient of the message (let’s say: employer) subconsciously feels some kind of discomfort but is not able to understand what’s actually happening within him/her. Because our brain needs to name the emotional states we are experiencing every single moment, this uncomfortable state, hard to identify or understand on a conscious level, is interpreted by the logical brain in the following way: “she is being difficult”.
I truly believe this type of comment is not a gender issue and it has nothing to do with certain content or contractual clause that is being negotiated. It’s mostly the energy issue.
Thus, it’s so important for all of us – women and men – to work on raising our consciousness so we could know how to create a positive field around us as well as better understand those who communicate with us. This will lead us to authentic gender equality one day.